FaithjourneyLGBTLoveStory

Today, I Was Brave

Today, I’m sharing with you something incredibly personal. As I’m typing out these words, I can feel my heart beating faster in my chest, wondering if this is a huge mistake. This blog will come with consequences. This blog begins a bigger fight. And it’s been a long time coming.

And I hope that after this, you’ll stick with me, that you’ll keep praying for me, that you’ll keep your heart and hands open to what God is doing with my life, and be inspired to look to see what God is doing in yours.

Today, I am telling you a part of my story because I believe that by telling our story, we set others free to share their story.

Today, I’m telling you the truth. And you can disagree, throw it in my face, call me names, declare me a heretic, but this is what I’ve always been meant for. This is the truth and the truth has set me free.


The following was written on August 13, 2015…

Today, I got a package in the mail. It contained a tank top and necklace, the word ‘brave’ was scrawled across the fabric in multiple directions.

I put it on, I looked at myself in the mirror, and in many ways it was a prayer for me, or maybe a prophetic word, a truth I had not yet grasped. I am brave.

Bravery doesn’t always have to look like something historic or monumental. It doesn’t ever have to be seen by another human. Sometimes bravery looks as simple as getting out of bed in the morning and facing another day. It looks like shaving the side of your head or putting on something that makes you feel good about yourself when others tell you it isn’t flattering. Sometimes it’s saying no to something you want to eat but you are really trying to take control of your health.

Sometimes it’s putting down the bottle and picking up the phone to call someone you love and telling them something important.

That’s what I did today.

Today, I was brave.

I felt different when I woke up. When I was talking to God, He brought to mind this moment nearly a year ago when I was in church and heard You Make Me Brave for the first time ever.

You make me brave,
You make me brave,
You call me out beyond the shore unto the waves…
No fear can hinder now the promises You’ve made…
No fear can hinder now the Love that made a way…

I knew what that meant in my spirit. I knew what God was telling me in that moment. I felt like that was the word was calling me to step into. Brave. Be brave my son. Go, and know that I am with you. But I couldn’t. If I did what God was asking of me in that moment, I stood to lose everyone I loved, to be shunned and pushed aside. But you won’t ever lose me.

That day was the starting point of accepting what God was doing in me, finally bringing a great work to completion, a solidity to my identity in Him. It looked nothing like what I was told it would be, and was more than I could have dreamed for.

Today, I stood on my back porch, the coolness of late summer around me, and tears brimming at my eyes. This was it. This was going to change everything. I began the small trek from my back porch to the small peninsula outside my house knowing that with each step, I was coming closer to the unknown, and knowing that this would bring me closer to God.

Today I took a step towards God.

Today, I was brave.

I walked towards the water. Petrified, tears streaming down my face, my heart felt as if it had stopped beating completely. Be brave.

“I am brave,” I said aloud. “I am brave because You are brave. You fight for me. You have always been victorious.”  

And I’ve been told to pick up my sword and fight for love.
Little did I know that Love had won for me.

Regardless of how this conversation went, I had won. I was accepted. I was loved. God had assured me of this and in no way was I going to be cast from His presence.

“God,” I said, “I need you right now. Front and center.”

As I selected my mom’s name in the contact list of my phone, I took a deep breath, mustering every bit of serenity I could. I heard the wind rustle the branches, felt the ground below my feet, and smelt autumn approaching. Indeed, everything is changing. A new season is beginning right now.

We spoke for a few minutes about things that were probably important, but my thought were bent on two words that I was dying to say, two words that had weighed on either shoulder like Atlas holding up the world. More than a decade of sorrow and heartache enveloped them; nights of weeping and pleading with God for mercy. Countless circles with others sharing my shame and declaring I wanted freedom from something I now know that God never wanted to remove from me; years of wrestling with the same question over and over and over again:

“God, will you love me no matter what?”

And the answer was always Yes, my love.

The sun was sinking below the tree line and my breath finally steadied enough to tell her the greatest secret of my heart, two words I never thought I’d say.

“I’m gay.”

I went onto explain and justify and share what 11 years of secrecy looked like, how I came to this place where I felt more in love with God than ever before because I understood how much He loved me and how I can now love myself.

“And you know I love you no matter what, right?” my mother replied, sobs being choked back.

“I do, Mom. I do.”

The conversation didn’t have much development beyond quelling some fears, restating things we said, and assurance of love. She said she didn’t quite understand and needed to process, but I wasn’t going to be disowned or pushed away.

Today, my mom was brave, too.

Sometimes bravery looks like accepting something you don’t understand as it is.

Sometimes it looks like loving your child as they are and letting that be the beginning and end of everything.

Sometimes bravery is loving people enough to tell them the truth.

Sometimes bravery is believing the songs we sing about going into deep waters with God, and trusting that even in the darkest nights, His light shines brighter. It’s realizing that we are that light, and that it can burn brighter unless we love ourselves the way He loves us:

Unconditionally. As we are. Faults and bruises. Fear and doubt. Our full authentic selves.

Today is August 13.

Today I put on a tank top that had the word ‘brave’ on it.
Today I stepped into the deep waters that I’ve been praying about for years.
Today I told the truth.
Today I chose to love myself because God loves the man He created.
Today I came out the closet.

Today, I was brave.


Today,Thank you so much for reading this. I encourage you to share this with people in your life who may be struggling with their sexual identity, and let them know that they are loved.

And if you are reading this, and you are LGBT, know you are not alone. You are loved by God and by me. Be brave. 

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  • Jayson Schmidt

    The ability to convey emotion is the mark of an exceptional writer. My heart was pounding as I read every word. Thank you for your boldness and well done.

    • Thanks Jayson! I really appreciate that. Thankful for you and your life!

  • Brant

    Love you bro! Thanks for the vulnerability; it can break down walls and blaze new trails, brave indeed! Keep chasing God!

  • James Watts

    This is fantastic. Really brave. Well done. So pleased you know how much God loves you. I pray this only increases and increases.

    • Thank you so much, James! 🙂 I receive that blessing!

  • Kevin, I know God loves you no matter what. So where do you go from here? God would not want you to practice homosexuality. (I say this in love not judgement) Know that I will pray for you. Unfortunately, Many believers will no be kind.

    • J.J.

      Cheryl, I appreciate your heart, and know you are well intended, but as someone who is walking this same path, this is still not the first response that you should give. The greater conversation can happen later, but for a first response to someone who is clearly working to be vulnerable and invite others into the conversation and hurting, should only have been the first two sentences. If you want to continue being in the lives of those who are processing through this and want to have any kind of voice, start with love and questions. Listen. There will be time for more later, but not as a first response.

      • JJ Thank you for your insight.

        • Hey Cherrilynn- I’m with JJ on this one. I appreciate your concern, and I know you are speaking from a place of love, but this is a much bigger conversation. And i think we view this issue differently. BUT I really appreciate your comment.

          • My intent was never to cause hurt or pain. I desire to understand. Know that I am praying for you.

    • Cheryel

      Cherrilynn, I believed as you do until I began to study biblical Hebrew and learned what the biblical Hebrew scholars know; that nowhere in the original languages does God condemn His gay children. Church fathers centuries ago mistranslated and misinterpreted the Bible to fit their worldview. For centuries the Church taught that being left handed was demonic. Science showed us that’s not true. Science now tells us that being gay may be the result of prenatal maternal hormone levels. Why would God created left handed and gay babies? He has a purpose and a plan for them. They are a blessing from His hand.

  • J.J.

    Congrats, Kevin! On both the conversation and being willing to share it for those who have and will be going through the same thing. I have been there myself very recently and am still figuring out what life looks like on the other side. I don’t know you, but I am proud of you and I am praying for you. Thank you for your vulnerability and articulation. Blessings, J.J. Peterson

  • Treva Draper-imler

    You are very brave! Some days you will feel like a lion, some days like a mouse. Remember how you felt on this day of great bravery. No one can take this from you. Peace be with you.

  • ASocialFlutterby

    My son had the same conversation with me when he was sixteen. His dad and I have always loved and accepted him just as he is, the way he was made. We’ve learned so much from all our kids, but he is the eldest and has perhaps taught us the most. Earlier this year we celebrated his wedding to the most gorgeous and lovely man who we are proud to have as our son in law. Kevin, you’ve been so brave and now is the time to be proud. Proud of the man you are. There is only one ‘you’ in the whole of existence. Live your life to the full, because it’s a gift given with love. Don’t look back, and never be afraid to love and find a partner to share life’s ups and downs, to fill you with the joy you deserve. And I mean a full loving relationship – believe me, having been married for over thirty three years, I can heartily recommend it. Don’t believe the lie that as a homosexual person you’re not entitled to experience every facet of love. It just isn’t true. Love and best wishes to you. And to everyone out there still living in the closet, please come out. You’re too beautiful and unique to waste time in the dark. Let your lives shine with the light of truth and joy. xx

    • Jäcob Pintle

      🙂 wow… moms and dads like you are an example for many! You are brave too… because for sure, your “coming-out” as a family required braveness too! 🙂 jacob

  • Giselle

    Well done! You being able to be you is very important. It allows other people, whether your mother or other people, to know you and relate to the real and authentic you. No matter how long it takes to say it. Congratulations of owning your authentic you. I wish you much love and happiness, and your family too.

  • Thanks for sharing this, Kevin! I’m glad you know that you are not alone, too.

  • Jäcob Pintle

    🙂 brave! 🙂 What a personal post you have shared, Kevin… as gay Christian I can totally understand what this coming-out means for you… God is there, we just need to be brave!
    jacob 🙂

  • Britt

    Moms are the best. Thanks for being so open and honest about your story, I’ve been reading a lot of your stuff lately. I’ve never really struggled with being attracted to the same sex and yet I feel like I relate to you so much – I’m amazed! But I shouldn’t be. Because honestly we are all the same. There is no difference when it comes to my heart and yours. And my sin and yours. And reading your stuff and hearing your voice has really softened me – and even love you! That part isn’t you though, that part is the Holy Spirit 😉 (which is so freaking cool because that means he’s working on my heart)! I still don’t fully understand but I am listening to you and taking in what your saying here and on the rest of your blog. You’re openly broken which lets me (and even invites me!) to be openly broken too- thank you so much for that.

  • Jeremy

    It took me many years and almost a whole life-time to be brave and come out, so I applaud you for taking this bold step at this stage of your life. Thanks for the inspiration and the encouragement. Look forward to so much more from you and wish you many blessings, including the blessings of a life-time love.